I wasted my life going from church to church trying to find answers to the mysteries of my life and the only faith able to clear things up for me was the pagan and Wiccan faiths.
Being the Empath in a family of narcissists I learned to embrace my dark side at a young age so people would stop shaming me. Looking back on that life it feels like I was raised in a cult.
After a shadow figure visited me in my room, two years ago, and tried to kill me I was able to complete my therapy for PTSD and walk out of the darkness and into the light. At the time I viewed the shadow figure from an analytical point of view. Shadow figures and ghosts were not a reality in my mind. I assumed the visit was nothing more than a nightmare with a message from my subconscious mind. It thought about the content of my nightmare trying to analyse it and find a realistic answer for it. As more details came to light about the thing that tried to suffocate me in my sleep and was still in the room with me when I woke up, I realized it was wearing buckskin. This lead me to believe that my subconscious was telling me that I am finally strong enough to face the trauma I had been blocking out for 47 years. So, of course I made the drive back to where the trauma began. I walked around the area as the memories flooded back into my consciousness. The feelings were still strong and it threw me off for a few days. I spent those days trying to process the memories and feelings so I could put it all into perspective and understand it. My goal was to free myself of my demons once and for all and find the happy life I am entitled too. Going back to the source of my trauma to face those demons took a truckload of pressure and suffering off me. I finally felt free and that was huge for me. I loved it. It gave me hope for the future.
Two years later I found out the thing that I thought was a message from my subconscious, was really a shadow figure trying to kill me and this was a real thing. That's what started me down the road to facing who and what I am. I have read 11 books on witchcraft and the metaphysical world. I watch the ghost shows to see what I can learn, if anything. This is the first time in my life I have ever taken anything like this seriously. I am way too analytical to believe in ghosts and the supernatural. The funny part is that I grew up in a haunted house and I have been reading people's minds and emotions all my life. This is why my mother led the charge to destroy me. All that did was fuel the fire inside of me and crank up my spirituality. I never asked questions until I got older and everyone in church saw me get swallowed up by a white light. I spent the next 15 years looking for answers. Witches have all the answers and I know this in my heart when everything clicks and creates an Au ha moment. Then it is solid in my mind, this is real. Now what is it and how/ why is effecting me?
In talking to a Shaman witch, I learned that my hypothetical conversations with my late sister could be responsible for the manifestation of the shadow figure in my home. She told me that the pain my late sister left me with is so intense that my attempts to gain closure and forgive her through hypothetical conversations is actually releasing a powerful rage that is strong enough to manifest shadow figures. This blows my mind. Is this rage the product of the pain Sherri's jealousy and hatred caused? Is it because Sherri crossed every moral line with me in order to destroy my happiness and take away everything that ever made me happy? How is this possible?
I watched an episode of ghost adventures and saw how they ordered the shadow figures to leave and stay gone. Just like that. I can do that. I decided to try it. It seemed to work for a while. I saw it again when I was standing at the top of the basement stairs talking to my husband. I was looking right at it when it walked past the staircase. The basement was pitch black when I spotted the movement. If I had any doubt left that this things was real, I don't anymore. This was no dream. Holy crap, now what do I do?
My friend showed me how to sage my home and cast a protection spell around the house so it cannot come back. Needless to say, I will have to find another way to get the closure I need to forgive my late sister and let go of the pain she caused.
My love is powerful powerful enough to manifest a white light large enough to swallow me whole. My rage is powerful enough to manifest violent shadow figures that attack in my sleep but have no qualms about being seen in the physical world. The rage has got to go.
